Im done

just had a horrible day with stella. shes been here two months now and has not calmed down one bit. today she was boardering on dangerous and frankly i dont want to keep her anymore. i need a fat, calm, confidence giving horse not one who makes me shake and cry at the thought of her. shes just not the horse for me, i dont think im good enough to help her. dont know what to do. do i give her another day or two and see if it was a one off (cause i had felt she was making progress and our last two rides were lovely) or do i just send her home and move on (frankly the way im feeling today, i don't want a horse anymore)

I'm so sorry to hear this Hayley. When I saw your pics of Stella I thought she looked gorgeous and spirited, and I was jealous!

What is she doing that is dangerous?

Although by no means an expert, I might be able to give some thoughts when I know what it is that she doing to frighten you.

I'm no horse expert, so all I can offer is sympathy.

Have you any idea why she's good one day & not another?

No idea caryll which is what worries me.

Lynda she was turning her arse (but more just trying to get away all the time even If I wasn't moving anywhere near her) and spooking over and over again and just being a total loon.

Talked to a behaviourist who gave me some exercises to do for a week or two and was told to work her more (I've been lazy I admit) but if there's no improvement I'm sending her back I don't want to waste time and money on a horse who's too much for me.

Could she be in season? Mares can be particularly "mareish" at such times!

If not, I could (without wishing to insult your intelligence and knowledge of horses) suggest a number of things, such as feeding heating foods (oats) without enough exercise to burn off the energy.

Or maybe, just maybe .... horses are very intuitive and can sense if we start to feel scared of them. So they push it a bit - swing their backsides towards us or snake their heads and stamp their feet. Or when we're aboard them we might see a bit of white paper in a bush (for example) and think "OMG she's going to shy at that" and chances are that she will because horses are so clever at picking up on the tiniest bit of body language we transmit to them.

It's not always easy having a horse with a bit of spirit and wilfulness about it, but a partnership can be achieved - don't give up just yet Hayley!

I'd give it a while, to see if any progress is made The situation probably hasn't been made any easier for you by the fact that you're upset, so giving yourself some time to calm down should help, as well.

Some good advice from Lynda and Eleanor.

Maybe she's just taking a while to settle in?

What she said!

Horses are notorious for picking up on emotions too; yours, as well as in the surrounding environment. It might be better to give yourself and Stella a little time to calm down, before you try again. And if you don't feel confident riding her at the moment, leave that until later! One step at a time.

Also, I have a bit of an embarrassing tip that might help! Try telling bad jokes or singing! This can automatically help to relax you.

Still the same today - can't be bothered. I'm going to ruin her and then her owner would be on my case so ive told her i can't ride her anymore. Shes staying for the mo until a new home is found but basically she is leaving and i'm really giving up horses this time.

I wouldn't make any hasty decisions for the long-term side of it. I think it's very easy to get disheartened by bad experiences, similar to how people react with dogs. Give yourself time to calm down before you make up your mind about the future!

nah ive already told her (and now have to deal with all the fb moaning)

i know its the right thing, one scare ruins me for horses ive always been that way. put a foot wrong and im done lol this is why im a crap horse rider

You know what's best for you. Instead of giving you grief, they should be giving you support.

shes a bit of a drama queen anyway her lifes **** and everyones always dumping on her balbalbla.

maybe if she DIDNT have 30 odd horses the ones she does have would be half trained.

I don't  know anything at all about horses but I agree with Eleanor, you know what's best for you

Oh Hayley, I'm so sorry that you are so miserable.

As Eleanor says, don't make any hasty decisions just yet ................

a) are you positive sure that she is not in season? Some mares can't bear the slightest touch on their back or loins when they are in season, and can be very argumentative as well.
b) If you became frightened for your physical welfare when, for example, she didn't want to be caught up from the field or started guarding her feed, some horses are very quick to take advantage, unfortunately. I had an ex-racehorse who, when he saw me in the field, would gallop up to me like you see in children's films and be haltered quiet as a lamb - very gratifying! But once led into his loose-box and given his feed, if I approached him he would snake his head and neck menacingly, and stamp his front feet. I was intimidated and he knew it! I was OK when I was riding him, although we had our battles upon occasion, but we never had an empathy.
c) you are a lovely neat rider Hayley (I remember your vids!) and you do your very best for all the animals under your care.
d) last but not least, if a naturally spirited horse (which I suspect Stella is) is fed high energy foods and gets limited exercise they are going to bugger about.

Don't despair Hayley, just take a little time out to reflect and consider

Shes fed nothing. Shes not high spirited or anything, and on the ground i dont give a toss i'm very very good on the ground but ridden she is just so spooky. She is still spooking at things that are completely ridiculous like a door that she walks through every day, an apple im giving her, stupid stuff that a well adjusted horse wouldn't. Shes not been well trained, shes never left the field and never hacked...shes done literally nothing. I live on a busy yard with buses and farm machinery come and going, a busy road, a stud yard with mares and foals running about. She just cant cope with ANYTHING. Its like shes never seen anything but grass before, its about the only thing shes not spooked at. And 1000kg of horse jumping every time you come up to somthing is not fun. i just don't even want to look at her right now lol i need an old plod whos seen and done everything and doesn't care, not a horse whos not seen anything. The only thing she doesn't spook at is a cone, and thats cause in her field she had four cones to make an arena, which is where she was ridden her whole life.

Tbh, it doesn't sound like an ideal situation for either of you if she hasn't been properly adjusted to every day occurrences by her owner. That person has no business owning horses if she can't even do the base training.

just too many bloody horses to give time to them. fireworks going off so i went to chek on her and cause its dark by the time im close enough to see her shes taken off away from me, through the gate into her stable. which is good cause it took me a long time to get her used to walking to her stable unafraid now she does it TOO fast, but im not happy about her running away from me.

Sounds like the owner has a lot to answer for!

just makes me feel **** cause when she came ill admit she was easy to catch, but i think it was more she was terrified of being alone and i was her only friend. now shes use to the situation shes like nah i dont need you go **** yourself i dont want you near me.

OK, she's grass fed with no extras and is placid and gentle whilst you are around her and you are not scared of her when you're on the ground, that's good.

But seemingly she has come to you off of quiet meadows to a busy yard. Poor mare, what a culture shock! tbh you really should have been informed that she was very green and uneducated when you took her on.

If I were in your position I'd regress a bit - take her up from grass and stable her in the yard (she'll need at least hay to get her through the winter months anyway) and let her get used to the hustle and bustle from the safety of her box. Lead her out each day in hand around the yard, letting her stop and stare at anything and everything, with a calm hand on her neck and soothing words if necessary. As she relaxes and accepts what she sees and hears as no threat to her, then ride her around the yard - by now she should trust you that nothing is going to hurt her - even if you are up on her back and not by her side.

Hope this helps

Well owner cant take her til jan so i havent got a choice really

Oh well, you'll have to stick with her for a bit then.

Personally, I think she looks so gorgeous that she's worth trying with.

But having said that, I tried with my ex-racer - but if the empathy is not there, it's not there ..........

If there's no way out of it, make the most of it! You don't have to ride her, remember! You could set yourself the challenge of going through the basics with her!

She wants herb all on Friday now

She's being really horrible to me. I can't wait for this week to be over. It's not the poor mares fault she's not been well trained.